Start Here: Five Gentle Steps
1. Listen First
Before you explain anything, ask, “What have you heard?” and “How are you feeling about it?” Let your child talk without being corrected right away. You will learn what they actually know, what they misunderstood and what they are afraid of.
2. Limit What They See and Hear
Turn off news coverage when young children are in the room, including the radio in the car and videos that play on their own. Older kids and teens will see headlines on phones, so watch or read together when you can and talk about it afterward. Hearing the same story again and again can make it feel like it is happening again.
3. Give Honest, Age-Sized Answers
Tell the truth in a few simple words, then stop and let them ask more. Leave out frightening details. It is fine to say, “I don’t know,” or “That is a good question. Let’s pray about it together.”
4. Reassure Them of Their Safety
Remind them that events like this are rare, and that parents, teachers, police, firefighters and many other helpers work every day to keep children safe. You cannot promise that nothing bad will ever happen, but you can promise, “I will always do everything I can to keep you safe, and God is always with you.”
5. Keep Routines and Stay Close
Regular meals, school, bedtime, church and play help children feel steady. Expect more hugs, more questions and more time at bedtime for a few days. Take care of yourself too; children notice how we are doing.
What to Say at Each Age
Children Under 9
Little ones mostly want to know: Am I safe? Are the people I love safe? Keep explanations very short and calm, and follow their lead.
- Try saying: “Something sad happened, and some people got hurt. Lots of helpers are taking care of them. You are safe here with me, and God is with us.”
- Keep news, pictures and grown-up conversations out of their hearing.
- Young children often work through feelings in play or drawing. That is normal. Join them, and gently talk about the helpers.
- Answer the question they ask, not the one you are afraid they will ask.
Kids 9 to 11
Kids this age hear more from friends, school and screens, and they often want to know why it happened and whether it could happen to them.
- Try saying: “You may hear people talking about the recent news. I want you to hear the truth from me, and you can ask me anything.”
- Correct rumors gently with simple facts. Avoid graphic details, and steer them away from videos and comment sections.
- Talk about the safety plans at school and at home, and who they can go to if they are worried.
- Give them a way to help: praying for the people affected, giving part of their allowance to a relief group, or making cards for helpers.
Teens 12 to 18
Teens may already know more than we do, and they may have strong feelings: fear, anger, numbness or questions about God. They need us to listen more than lecture.
- Try saying: “What are people at school saying? What do you think about it?”
- Talk about how social media spreads rumors and graphic content, and agree together on taking breaks.
- Let them be honest about doubts and hard questions. The Psalms show that God welcomes honest prayers, even angry or confused ones.
- Invite them into action: serving, giving and praying with others, or talking with a youth leader they trust.
God Is With Us
Children may ask, “Why did God let this happen?” We do not know every reason. We live in a world broken by sin, so hard and sad things happen. Tell them: this is not your fault, and it is not a punishment on the people who were hurt. Jesus taught that people who suffer are not worse sinners than anyone else (Luke 13:1-5; John 9:1-3). God has not left us alone. Jesus came to save us. He cried when His friend died, and He promises a day when sadness will end and He will make all things new (Revelation 21:5). If your child has more questions, talk with your pastor, priest or church leader together. Here are verses you can read together.
“God is our refuge and strength,
Psalm 46:1 (ESV)
a very present help in trouble.”
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
Psalm 23:1-4 (ESV)
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.”
“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33 (ESV)
“Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”
Matthew 19:14 (ESV)
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV)
For bedtime, and for the hardest questions:
“In peace I will both lie down and sleep;
Psalm 4:8 (ESV)
for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.”
“Jesus wept.”
John 11:35 (ESV)
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
Revelation 21:4 (ESV)
About the Bible verses: verses on this page are quoted from the English Standard Version (ESV). When you choose your church in “Viewing as,” each verse reference opens in your church’s own translation; tap a reference to read it there.
Simple Prayers by Age
Pray in your own words, or use these. Your church may also have its own prayers for times like these; they are always a good place to start.
For Children Under 9
Dear God, thank You for loving me. When I feel scared, help me remember that You are always with me. Please take care of the people who are hurt and sad, and help all the helpers. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
For Kids 9 to 11
Lord Jesus, some of the news is scary, and I don’t understand all of it. Please comfort the families who are hurting and keep my family and friends safe. Show me how I can help. Thank You that nothing can separate me from Your love. Amen.
For Teens 12 to 18
God, I am honestly struggling with what is happening in the world. You see every person who is suffering. Be close to the brokenhearted, give wisdom to the people in charge, and give me courage to love the people around me. When I have more questions than answers, help me trust You. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
For Parents and Grandparents
Heavenly Father, You love my children even more than I do. Give me patience to listen, wisdom to know what to say and calm to be their safe place. Guard their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, and comfort every family grieving today. Amen.
Signs a Child Needs More Help
Most children feel better within a few days or weeks when they have loving adults close by. Watch for signs that last longer than a couple of weeks or that get in the way of everyday life:
- Trouble sleeping, nightmares or fear of being alone
- Clinging, crying easily or panic when you leave
- Stomachaches or headaches with no clear cause
- Not wanting to go to school or church
- Little ones acting younger again, such as bedwetting or baby talk
- Play or drawing that repeats the event over and over
- Anger, irritability or more arguments than usual
- Pulling away from friends, family or activities they enjoyed
- Changes in eating, or trouble paying attention
- In teens: hopelessness, risky behavior, or using alcohol or drugs to cope
If a child talks about hurting themselves or someone else, get help right away. In the U.S., call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) any time, or call 911 in an emergency.
When to Call a Pastor or Counselor
- Call your pastor, priest or church leader when your child has spiritual questions you are not sure how to answer, when your family is grieving, or simply when you want prayer and support. Walking with families in hard times is part of their calling.
- Call a counselor, your child’s doctor or the school counselor when the signs above last more than two weeks, keep getting worse, or make school, sleep or friendships hard.
- Get help sooner if your child was directly affected, lost someone they knew, or has been through other hard things before. Many families look for a licensed counselor who shares their faith; your church can often recommend one.
- Get help immediately for any talk of self-harm: call or text 988, or call 911.
Asking for help is not a lack of faith. God often comforts us through the people He places around us.
More Help for Your Family
Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.